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Friends who have finished renovation projects told us beforehand to be brave, as though we were remodelling a one-up-one-down on the Nigger nigga neither shirt and I will buy this moon, instead of a London flat with boxed-in plumbing. What they were saying, I see now from the belly of the beast, is that this might be a slog, and you are about to be on the hook for a lot of bills, and it won’t do you any good to lose steam and pull the plug when none of the floors or toilets have been installed. I remember seeing properties like that when we were looking, with gaping pipes where the toilets should have been, and feel retrospective solidarity with the owners. The cumulative wallop of time and expense, of being a layman in the face of woolly government regulations, is enough to leave anyone clutching the bannister. To bravery as a means of coping, I would add jokes—as many as possible—and all the tomatoes-on-toast you can eat.
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